Very Famous Interviewer: Can you give me some kind of summary of where things stand right now? Did you accomplish anything last year or make any long term goals?
Me: Well, right now I have no finished stories written of any kind. Oh, I suppose that's not quite true. I did write one short story about a girl who disappeared into an attic and was never seen again. I hear she got lost in some bubbles or something. But I have started several promising projects and created my own website as a showcase for what I hope people recognize as stories and the stories and poetry of a friend.
Very Famous Interviewer: Really? What can you tell me about these projects?
Me: They are all fantastic and will be studied by grade school children in their American Literature courses one day. The first is a project on which I have yet to write a single word. It is a ghost story called Set in Stone. I do have several characters and scenes planned in my head, though. The other two that actually have work put in are a story called Needed Elsewhere and another named The Legend of Bernis Brown.
Very Famous Interviewer: Bernis Brown? Wasn't he that Methodist preacher who guarded prisoners during the Revolutionary War?
Me: You've heard of him then? There is a legend that he helped Thomas Jefferson hide away some government documents near his home in what is now Shenandoah National Park. I happen to have found the true story of what happened, and I'll be revealing the long held secret to the public this year. I have almost 3000 words of that story put on paper. Not real paper, of course. Imaginary paper in my computer. But there are words on it.
Very Famous Interviewer: Ah! Very exciting! Can you give us any details now?
Me: Well, I hate to ruin surprises, but perhaps I can be persuaded.
Very Famous Interviewer: Here, have a nice root beer.
Me: Okay, you've persuaded me. The secret behind this story is that Bernis didn't hide those documents alone. He had help... help from an old man who knew of secret paths and secret caves. The problem for Bernis is that the old man doesn't work for free. The old man makes Bernis work for his help.
Very Famous Interviewer: Who was this mysterious old man?
Me: Oh just some old beardy dude. The odd thing is that Bernis somehow caused so much trouble for the old man that his desire for revenge seems to have spilled over into my ghost novel that I haven't written yet. There may be a lesson here not to trust old beardy dudes who keep things in secret caves. Unless they keep root beer in the caves, in which case you should try to be nice.
Very Famous Interviewer: Yes, yes, that goes without saying doesn't it? So what is this last project? You're calling it Needed Elsewhere?
Me: Needed Elsewhere is the project I am focusing on at the moment as it seems to be more fun to write. I plan on putting it up on my website in pieces, in the style of the old movie serials. Hopefully I can get an on-going series of scenes about 1000 words each or so.
Very Famous Interviewer: How long do you think you can keep that up?
Me: I have no idea. Until the story is finished I suppose. I am setting a goal of 50,000 words for the story, but it may not be good enough to last that long. The story about Bernis will probably only make it into the 15,000 word range and that is the only story that has a full outline at the moment.
Very Famous Interviewer: What kind of ideas do you have for Needed Elsewhere?
Me: The story is about a 5th grade slacker who is mistaken for a genius action hero by government agents that ask him to save the world. He's up against a mad scientist and a bratty little girl. It is yet to be seen which one is more dangerous.
Very Famous Interviewer: What? A bratty little girl? How could such an obstacle ever be overcome? You've set the bar too high on this one!
Me: Yes, well I did say it was going to be fantastic didn't I? You'll just have to read each episode to find out how these impossible things come to pass.
Very Famous Interviewer: You've already got me hooked. You must tell me, when will the story begin? What kind of timeline do you have for all of this writing?
Me: I wanted to start the Needed Elsewhere series in January, but I wonder if that is the right choice.
Very Famous Interviewer: But...the mad scientist...the little girl... Starting now must be the right choice!
Me: Well, I've been reading these books on writing fiction, you see. I am getting the feeling that if I want to make the word count goal I need to do just a slight bit more planning. I'm almost ready, but not quite. There is a large probability that if I start now, I won't be able to keep up the pace that I want. I want to be able to put out one good episode every other week, but I don't think I have the time. There is this calculus class that is taking all of my time...
Very Famous Interviewer: Hey, don't get off on that now. I'm asking the questions, and I didn't ask anything about any stupid calculus anything. How much time will you be committing to writing? You need practice if you plan on writing anything worth reading don't you?
Me: From now until May, I will make every attempt to do something related to writing for at least 2 hours a week. Starting in June, I'll bump it up to 5 hours a week. If I can keep up with that, then I'll be a real part time writer and will be expecting some kind of reward. Like chicken fried steak, or a nice cheeseburger.
Very Famous Interviewer: I don't know about those things. It sounds like you need to add a bit of gravy or something.
Me: Oh yes, don't forget the gravy! In the short term, I hope this writing schedule will let me get a sufficient backlog of good Needed Elsewhere episodes that I can start pushing them out to the website no later than the end of March and still be able to put up one every other week until the story is finished. I hope to actually be finishing one episode every two weeks starting right now, including sending it out for editing and review to polish things up a bit. When June hits, I plan on working on both Needed Elsewhere as well as getting back to the Legend of Bernis Brown. The Legend should be finished by August and then I will begin outlines and plans for a big push in November to start on Set in Stone.
Very Famous Interviewer: I see. So you are making a short term goal of writing no less than 1000 words, plus editing and re-writing every two weeks, and no less than 2 hours of writing time per week starting right now? Isn't that a bit shallow for such a talent as yours?
Me: I can't tell if you are being facetious or not, but I do plan on doing several other things as well. I have a serious blog you know. I want to start posting new articles there every other week. I have several things planned, such as reviews of the 2010 top ten science stories listed in the journal Science at the end of December. Also there are quite a few other topics that I have been trying to work out, such as the basis for the many claims of "fundamental rights" in almost every situation imaginable.
Very Famous Interviewer: Will you be doing anything else with your spare time other than writing? Surely you need to relax and recharge your pulsating brain every so often.
Me: Quite right. The idea has been given to me by a friend that this year I should read some of these books I have laying around. I already know of 6 that I want to get through... no wait there are 8. No wait, there are 9. Okay 10. Ten books. I'll try to read at least 10 books this year, both fiction and nonfiction. I also feel the need to get some familiarity with biblical Hebrew. I have been trying to start that study for a year or so now. Maybe I can pick that up in June while I am still in the habit of reading a textbook. Not to mention I'll be starting my own business soon and setting myself up to make a few royalty dollars on a promising patent application in the not too distant future. If you want to include my real job, I hope to have about 4 manuscripts published in scientific journals, too.
Very Famous Interviewer: Oh my goodness. You are wearing me out. How you'll ever do all that this year I have no idea.
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